I feel like I've lost half the year.
That's a bit of an exaggeration; I was doing okay until some time in mid-February, when things kind of came crashing down around me in my head. I spent the next few months dragging myself down, around, through, and eventually out of that. It's taken me that long to feel like I can make this writing thing work for myself again.
But it feels like a lot has changed. Where I used to be able to sit down and hammer out two or three pages of plot and story work in a night, I now struggle to figure out a few paragraphs' worth. It used to be easy to work on my current project every night, but now, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay if I don't feel like working on anything on a given evening. And with every project, I wonder when I'll lose interest in it, or if I'll feel like I can't figure out how to make it work, and set it aside to maybe pick up again someday (but probably not).
My feelings about this, as I'm sure you could imagine, are mixed.
There are, however, two positive things I can get out of this. The first is the hope that I'm actually getting better at this writing thing, which is why it's getting more difficult. I talked in my last entry about seeing things in published books that I've learned not to do, so maybe I'm having more trouble putting things together in my own plots because I've got a better idea of what does and doesn't make a story work. I could go on about this for a while, but a lot of it is too nebulous and long-winded to fit into a single blog entry. >_<
It strikes me as funny that I'm thinking of things this way, though, because I used to feel like writing was an easy thing. I didn't entirely understand when people talked about how hard it was. I do now.
The second positive thing is that I can consider any work I manage to get done as positive progress. Getting a page done is better than just a few paragraphs. One paragraph is better than just a sentence or two. And a single sentence is better than nothing. Plotting used to feel like drawing a map as I explored new territory; it now feels like chipping away at a stone with only the basic idea of what I'm trying to carve and knowing that it could all change as I go.
But slow progress is better than no progress at all. Any day that I get something done, I count as good. I have to, or else I'll only have bad days.
To put it simply, this year has already been a kind of personal writing hell, and it's only half over. I'll take any positivity I can get.
Given your writing about the difficulty of writing is rather riveting, I think you must be doing it right. Celebrate your progress, no matter how slow!
ReplyDeleteI'm honestly not sure how my continuous complaining about my writing difficulties could be riveting, but thank you. >_<
DeleteEvery chip out of that stone counts.
ReplyDeleteThere is that point where all the rules crowd out creativity and joy. Once we recognize it, we can move forward again.
I hadn't thought about it that way, but I'm not sure this is about rules. It's more about simply not being able to figure out how things should go.
DeleteNo matter how fast or slow, still keeping on keeping on, which is the way to be.
ReplyDeleteIt's what I shoot for. It's also what I keep hearing, so there must be something to it.
DeleteClinging to positivity is a good thing. :) You are making progress, and you're getting stuff done. That's better than nothing. And you're learning and applying what you've learned. I say that's a plus!
ReplyDeleteHope the struggle eases up.
Thank you; I hope so too. I've found that as long as I can get into the chair and get started, things usually go all right. It's getting there that's too often a problem.
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Let those two positive things be jumping off points and just write every day even it it is only one paragraph. You learn to write by writing. So keep writing.
All the best.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G at Everything Must Change
Thank you. I do keep going, largely because I don't know how to do anything else. Eh heh heh.
DeleteI think that's a good philosophy: any progress is good progress.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to have to be, as it's a lot of what's keeping me going right now.
DeleteYup. At times it does feel like a slow chipping away at a big block of stone--with the occasional sharp chip landing in my eye. And I like your comment about learning what not to do from published authors. A wise old Southern lady once told me, "Ever'body's got something to teach you, even if it's how not to be."
ReplyDeleteI like that saying and I'm going to have to steal it. ^_^ But it's very true. Writing-wise, sometimes we can learn more from books we don't like than books we do.
DeleteCHEESE!!! There. That's all the positivity you need, eh? Here's the deal: you're slow right now because of where you're at mentally, developmentally, etc. Soon enough, you'll be plowing forward again and amazed at how far you've come. Chin up. Nothing ever comes from rubbing your own nose in the dirt.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had anything that I loved as much as you love cheese. :P But seriously. As for rubbing my own nose in the dirt, it's kind of what I do, because depression sucks. But I'm working on it.
DeleteI feel you on the writing slumps. Sometimes it feels like chipping away at an amazing artifact takes little effort. Sometimes it feels like the debris just won't budge to reveal your story fast enough. Have faith. It'll happen!
ReplyDeleteThat is a good point, and it's something I forget too easily because I've had a lot of stories in the past that I figured out with little trouble. But constantly pushing at something, no matter how little it moves, is a way to get it where it needs to go.
DeleteThe writer slump seems to be my favorite spot to be anymore. But keep chipping away and something will flow sometime. I think it's just important not to let it pull you down and become a problem. Even us turtles will make it to the finish line someday
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand writing slumps. I came out of a rather long one myself.
ReplyDeletewww.ficklemillennial.com