Sadly, this is not an existential post about the benefits of doing nothing. This is a post I wish I had no reason to write, and one better suited for IWSG, but this is all that I've got this week.
Yes, my writing problems have even begun to affect my blog. >_<
Since early or mid-December, when I sit down to write for the evening, to work on plots and all that comes with them, I freeze up. I open up documents and stare at them, never adding anything new, hardly reading what's there. Just staring. Sometimes, I look at stuff I've written and see if I can find some way to make it work better, but I draw nothing but blanks. When I try to think of new approaches to things that didn't work, I can't come up with anything, and even when I do, it all sounds stupid.
Simply put, when I sit down to write, nothing works. I get nothing done. And I end up closing the documents feeling horrible about everything.
On the few occasions when it does work, when I can actually get something done, I don't like it at all when I look at it again. Stuff I like enough to tweet about one night is stuff I roll my eyes at the next day. I've been doing revisions of revisions of revisions, trying new twists and turns on barely-there plots and characters who are hardly more than names and faces and roles in would-be stories. One theoretical story in particular, the dragon-based one I've rambled about here on and off for years, working on that now feels like going back to an ex-girlfriend; I know nothing good will come of it because nothing ever has, but there's a part of me that wants it to work so badly that I have to give it another try. The damn thing is on its eighth version and I've never written a page of it.
In other words (because clearly I need other words since I can't do a thing with the ones I have), it feels like I've forgotten how to write. As much as I know that's an exaggeration, I'm sure I don't need to describe the deep bloody terror that thought strikes in me.
So, because it's in my nature to think too much and over-analyze everything, I try to figure out where this comes from. Am I bouncing around to too many different plots? Certainly possible, as I have a ton of stuff I'd like to write, but I'm having the same problem with all of it. Am I trying to write stories in worlds I haven't developed enough? Probably, but I've always developed the basic story before delving into the world work, then gone back and forth, to make plotting and world-building serve each other. Am I trying to work with characters I don't know well enough? Also probably, as my cast lists seem to change very quickly these days, and I've had a hard time really getting a hold of most of them.
I'm trying what everyone says works - I'm trying to write what I well and truly want to write, trying to just find the story and the characters. I'm trying to not think of anything but what matters most. I'm trying to just write. But nothing's working.
I know that some of this might be stress from moving. Yes, I'm moving again - just a few miles this time, to a nicer apartment up the hill. Only the large stuff remains here, because I hauled over all the really important stuff this past weekend. But what happens if I move fully into my new place and still can't get a damn thing done?
This is, of course, the part where I ask for advice, because I clearly need it. >_< Much as I hope that no one else has ever dealt with this, I don't think for a second that's the case. I'd appreciate any help y'all can offer.
And I swear, I'll actually stop by everyone's blogs this weekend. Hauling most of my life up a hill made me miss my usual blog check this week. Sorry about that.
Moving would disrupt me.
ReplyDeleteDo you have someone you could bounce ideas and story-lines off of? I find that helps me a lot. The other person might come up with a new idea and it might spark a new one in you that gets the ball moving with your story.
Moving disrupts everything. O_o As for bouncing ideas off of people, that varies. Sometimes it works, sometimes they point out holes in what I've thought up and that leads to me thinking my ideas are no good. So... yeah.
DeleteI have had periods of time like this, and the more I try to force the writing, the worse it gets and the worse I feel.
ReplyDeleteI suggest giving yourself a week off writing. Close all the documents. Read some books. Watch some TV.
It will come back. It always does. But sometimes writing is work and we all need a vacay from work.
That's what I've been doing, and I think it's working so far, if doing nothing can be said to make anything work. I've been less stressed-out and feeling better, if nothing else.
DeleteLike Dianne's suggestion, I think you should take a week off. Maybe more.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, you're not on any deadline except the ones you've put yourself on, so now is a good time to practice finding your muse. She's tired. She's stressed. Hell, maybe she took a trip to the Bahamas and forgot to let you know about it. The point is, you've hit a brick wall, and unless you have a wrecking ball in the pocket of those mythical other pants, you're not getting through it--time to go around.
Close the documents, give yourself the emotional space to not get anything done. And I mean ANYTHING. You're moving, so obviously you have to do that, but you NEED to give yourself time to wallow in the lack of discipline area. You should watch TV. Try new things, try old things. Have a favorite Anime you haven't watched in a while? Give that a play and remember what it's like to geek out about something so awesome. Try something new--If you haven't tried watching it, spin up The Librarians (the one with the ancient library that holds magic artifacts, look for a picture with two women and three men).
Then, after you've taken this break and you want to get back to writing, do little things. And I mean little things. Write a lament for the solitary life of your coffee mug. Write a story about a magic neck tie, the one that always gets the girl, but always gets accidentally passed to someone else. Write a short about the cat who plots revenge for her continued incarceration.
It sounds silly, but one flash story of 500 words, start to finish, will do more for your confidence than just about anything else.
If you can't hold out that long, if you have to dive back into the world you've been creating, write a short about something in that world. Do they really have magical cups that lament their solitary lives? is there a god who's always seen with a cup? Who does that guy's dishes? Is it a mortal? Was the god adopted by some cranky woman who couldn't stand his slovenly ways and decided that instead of being a priestess, she'd mop his floors. Can you imagine that cranky woman berating the god "What are you doing? How many times do I have to tell you to wipe your feet at the door? Do you know how hard it is to scrub off souls of the damned???"
In short: take a break from the writing and refill your cup. Remember when Neil Gaiman talked about all the things a writer has to do to refill their cup? I believe the list was movies, books, and videogames. Do that.
When you've had enough of that, start writing again, but not the really big stuff. Write small things until your imagination is up and running again, because that's the problem, your very imagination is shorting out. It will come back.
The imagination is like a fire. Things like stress and depression are like rain. You have the building blocks for a bonfire - wood, and you're used to writing with a bonfire. But right now, it's raining on the wood, and your fire isn't strong enough to burn wet wood. When you toss your stress soaked building blocks onto the fire, it threatens to snuff out your imagination entirely. You have to turn off the stress, and there are only so many ways to do that. One is to take a break, let the wood dry out and start again.
Also, one last note: I've been there. I've been where you are now for months. I'm only just coming back out of it, and this was my road map. It's scary on the other side of this place because you know the blank can come back at anytime, but making it through this will make you stronger. This is one of the steps.
Thank you for this, all of this, more than I have space or time to say here in the comments. I think you're right about all of it. In particular, I am going to try starting smaller when I get back to writing. It's hard for me, because I don't like writing short stories, but approaching it as practice and stuff like that will hopefully make it easier.
DeleteSounds to me like you need a reading break. When I get to bogged down by writing, I pick up a couple titles from authors I love and dive.
ReplyDeleteI wish it was that easy - I've read at least three books over the course of this frustrated period, maybe four. It hasn't helped. >_<
DeleteAlso think you need a break. Tell yourself not to even look at any of your projects for at least two weeks and read/take lots of long walks/do whatever it is you never have time for because you're writing.
ReplyDeleteSeems to be the case - I decided to take a break for the rest of the month, so I'm just letting it all go 'till the first of February. January's been otherwise good to me, if very busy, so I figured that was a good way to do it.
DeleteI agree with the rest - take a break. I've had this problem quite often the last two years. I think a lot of it comes from other life factors messing things up (the move would definitely qualify). It's impossible to let the fantasy take full flight when other things keep jabbing in the back of the mind. So don't worry about the writing and concentrate on other things. The characters will start poking you again, and then you'll only want to write.
ReplyDeleteVery true. I admit, I was worried that taking a break would make it harder for me to get anything done once I started again, but I'm already eager to get back to it. ^_^ I'm making myself take the full break, though.
DeleteYou should know from this blog that you write well.
ReplyDeleteI do ;)
I've had days like this, sometimes a few in a row. This may not work for you, but when I feel like I can't write (or have forgotten how) I take a few days off. I do non-writing things and then the inspiration comes from nowhere. It's like I've been recharged.
Maybe you need to take a little break. Try doing something else creative (or maybe not-creative). Just remember that even though you feel like this, like you can't write, it's not the truth.
You're an awesome writer. I should know. I've beta-read for you :)
Thank you. It helps a great deal hearing this from you, since you've actually read something I've written. ^_^ And yes, the break is in progress. Going well enough so far, even if I didn't know what to do with myself for the first few nights. Moving has given me plenty to do since then.
DeleteWhen major things are going on, I do have a really hard time concentrating. And I make my living freelance writing. My clients think I'm a word machine! I guess that does help with the discipline, but we moved in May and I can say for a fact that was my slowest month last year as a writer.
ReplyDeleteHeh... it took me reading this again to realize that my problems started around the same time I got my new apartment and realized I'd have to move again. I'd like to think I didn't just subconsciously sabotage myself like that, but I probably did. >_<
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