Wednesday, December 2, 2015

IWSG: A Worthwhile Madness


I've had a remarkably rough past few weeks.

The query process is, well and truly, not for the faint of heart.  There's a kind of joyous and dreadful anticipation that comes now whenever I open my e-mail.  Will what I'm hoping for happen?  Was today the day that someone somewhere across the country opened their e-mail and read my words and decided they might want to take a chance on me?  Has my time finally come?

As yet, no.  Rejections ring eternal, it seems, when there's a ringing at all - there's an interesting kind of melancholy that comes with noting down that the silence from an agent has stretched on long enough that it's become a rejection - and I'm seeing new variations on the same words now.  They try to be supportive and helpful even as they say, no, I don't see it.  What you're saying doesn't reach me.  I'm not the one to help carry your dream.  But please do keep trying.

As though I could do anything else.

On the creative front, things go less steadily than usual, which can be saying quite a lot when I'm in the plotting phase.  One set of ideas seems dead-set on not working together, and remains a collection of nothing but images and moments, without anything that feels right to tie them together.  If there's a way to feel what a story and a world should be but not have anything you write for it work toward that end, I've found it.

Another would-be plot seems to be fighting with itself every step of the way, trying to turn sideways into an idea I had long ago that makes the inspiration that started me back on this story impossible to fit into the story itself, and alternately taunting me with either interesting characters or fascinating settings that don't suit each other and don't seem to fit into the story together.  There's so much want there.  It seems like this could be a good two-thirds of everything I'd love to write if I could only figure out what and how it's all supposed to be, but I can't get a hold of that no matter what I try.

It's said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and weeks like these are when it hits me, we writers are all crazy.  It's a worthwhile and useful kind of madness, this throwing ideas at the page again and again to see what sticks and what falls away and what splatters together to blend into something greater than its parts.

But we keep going, because when it works, it's magic.

I spent too much of this past Monday when I should have been working taking down notes for a story that's dwelled at the back of my head for years, as I realized one character's supposed fate was intended for another, and so much fell into place and I had to make sure I scribbled it down before I forgot it.  When I returned home, I hacked away at the half-a-plot I thought I had, and found that everything worked together as though it had always been that way, and with one simple change, I'd found the story.

There's still so much to do.  There's always so much to do.  I feel like I've done the magic, and now comes the practice, the preparation, the gathering of materials and training of lovely assistants and learning how to play for the crowd that may, in fact, never arrive.  Odds are good that there will never be a crowd - odds are incredibly good that this will turn out to be another story that few people, if any, ever read.

But there is nothing else in the world I want to do more than tell these stories, and I'll keep going because there's always the chance that one will work for more than just me and a few friends, and someone out there will say yes, I want to help you reach the world.

22 comments:

  1. It gets to a point where all one expects is rejection in the queries, but those are still better than the no responders. Chin up! When the acceptance comes, the celebration will be that much sweeter. As to writing, I'm try to tell myself that eggnog and cookies are energizers for January writing leaps ;) Good luck!

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    1. Eggnog and cookies are pretty much always good. ^_^ And yeah, I do keep hoping for that acceptance... and hoping the one nibble BoLR has gotten so far won't be the only thing. >_<

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  2. As you said, even in the face of rejection, there's nothing to do but keep trying. That's the way this business works. Sometimes, it's hard to keep up the optimism. I know I've struggled for the past several months, working on a ms that I knew was never going to reach fruition simply because I had nothing better to work with. I begin this month with a new project and a little more hopefulness. I hope I can keep it up!

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    1. Considering how many things I've tried to make work and had fall apart, I know exactly how you feel. >_< Hoping the new project works out well for you.

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  3. We can quit, but that's even less satisfying. You have to keep trying.

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    1. I don't think I can quit, really. Even if I tried, I'd get depressed and once that was past, I'd just be back at it.

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  4. That's the hope, and as long as we keep after the dream it does eventually come true.

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    1. I'd like to believe that, but I know it's entirely possible that it'll never happen. I try not to dwell on that, though. Sometimes it works.

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  5. Sounds to me like you're on the right track, Mason.

    So many people quit after X amount of time, but you're fighting, and that's inspirational to anyone lucky enough to read your words today (and in the future!)

    Like you said, what else can you do? So, keep fighting the write fight and your time will come, I have no doubt.

    Best regards,

    Mark, (official slacker and IWSG co-host :)

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    1. Thank you. Like I said, it's not really like I could do anything else - this is something I've wanted for almost all of my life. I can't just stop, no matter how much it sucks sometimes.

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  6. I suppose that's also where the phrase, "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it" comes into play. :)

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    1. Trust me, I wish I enjoyed every minute of this. :P But there are the good times, to be sure.

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  7. You write so poetically.

    Sorry about the rejection. It never gets easier, does it? At least the plot came together for you and boom, there you have it: the magic. Despite what will or won't happen in the future, at least you get to enjoy that magic anytime you want.

    Focus on the excitement of this workable project. :) And have a happy holiday!!

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    1. Thank you. I didn't really intend to go all stream-of-consciousness with this one, but it turned out that way, and I like it. I'm trying to focus on the new project, and it's going well so far; working on something else while querying is definitely the best idea.

      And thank you, hope your holidays are great as well. ^_^

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  8. Don't give up. (And, if that fails, self-publish. :P)

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    1. Still not going for self-publishing. :P But yes, no plans to give up - things are starting to get a little better.

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  9. It's amazing when you have those eureka moments and everything comes together. You seem very full on in your creativity so just keep going, and it'll work out. Best of luck with the queries.

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    1. Thank you. The eureka moments help a ton, and make the massive amount of work they precede easier. ^_^

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  10. Oh yeah, querying is its own special hell. All I can say is that it takes forever. And it'll feels like everyone and their grandmother signs before you. It's not true of course, but it feels like that.

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    1. It really does feel like that. And the people you hear about most are, of course, always those .0001% who do amazingly well with their first book or something like that. >_< There's a reason IWSG exists.

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  11. Yes, if it weren't for doing the same thing over and over, I probably wouldn't be published. Although...after a decade of trying to break into romance, I took a few years off. By the time I came back, young adult was a market again (it was pretty much nonexistent in the 90s unless you wanted to do work-for-hire for a book packager). While trying to get published in YA, I was told my voice was better suited to middle grade...and that was how I finally got published. So sometimes maybe a different approach is what makes the difference...but often that requires discovering where you fit.

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    1. That's a good point. I never would have thought about doing YA years ago, as it was hardly even a thing. Now, it's exploded, and shows no signs of ever going away. (Which is awesome, as there have been tons of amazing YA books.) I think my heart is with adult stuff, but I'd like to write some YA stories someday.

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