This feels like the kind of entry I should have made last year. No, wait. This is the kind of entry I would have made last year if I'd been able to actually work on anything.
Anyway.
Plotting-wise, I'm having a few difficulties. I have two different plots that I'm actively working on, at least in theory. One is the Snow White one I talked about a few entries ago and haven't touched since. The other is a plot I've told I think one person about and am keeping largely quiet until I'm sure it'll work. And then there's last week's shiny new idea, which I haven't done anything with since I first wrote it down.
To put it simply, I'm having a hard time drumming up the energy to work on much of anything, even though I want to. All of these stories have a great deal that I need to do on them, and it's getting to the point where I'm mentally exhausted just thinking about all I need to develop.
...I swear, this didn't sound so whiny when it was just in my head.
I know that writing is work. It wears me out sometimes, even on an physical level - when I'm working on a book, I usually finish the night's writing session exhausted. Hammering out 2000+ words over the course of one CD will do that. But this is the first time that even getting things to the point where I can make them into books is just as tiring.
There's a part of me that wants to blame it all on work - y'know, the job that pays me so I can afford to sit here and whine about my writing problems. :P We've been dealing with a massive amount of stuff to do since July, mandatory overtime included. There's a constant level of stress as we continuously get more work in than we can do. So a lot of the time, all I want to do when I get home is sit down and relax, not try to hash out a plot and a world and all of that.
On the plus side, when I have felt like working on writing stuff, I've been doing more. Over the long weekends for the holidays, I tried doing a midday writing shift. Most weekend days, I have this period around 11AM where I find myself wondering what I should do next, so I figured I might as well try to get some plotting done instead of saving it all for the evening.
It worked really well. I got a lot done over those long weekends, and while I didn't pull two writing shifts every day, I did it enough that it's something I can try for every weekend.
Of course, me being me, now I get on my own case when I don't do two writing shifts on weekend days, and doing more leaves me, you guessed it, even more tired.
I'm sure I'll eventually figure out the best way to handle all this. It's just that, after last year's doldrums, I'd been hoping to dive right into this year with a fresh start and go forth and kick ass at everything. But as if being worn out wasn't enough, it's hard to get past the fear of things not working out, and I have to fight that off every single time I sit down to work.
All I can do is keep trying. And try to get more sleep.
The research and planning can be exhausting. Just focus on one story and do a little bit every day. Then the whole won't seem so daunting.
ReplyDeleteEhhh.... I've tried that and it didn't work out. It's hard for me to focus on one thing, as I often think about a different project every day. I am trying to just work on one project a night, though, and we'll see how that goes.
DeleteI think stress is the muse killer. No kidding. Truthfully, if you're that stressed, make notes and step back until writing is a joy. Life is short, eh?
ReplyDeleteLife is short and I still have a lot I want to get done. :P But yeah, there are nights when I just write down one or two things and don't worry about it, and I do take days off. It just feels like everything's weighing on me.
DeleteStress kills writing, and worrying about not writing only adds more. It's better to step back and write with the idea of having fun with it and not as a task or must. But it sounds like you found your grove on those weekends. So kudos there!
ReplyDeleteIt is a little weird. I'd like this to be my career someday, but sometimes it's like having the stress from a second job without actually having the second job. >_<
DeleteI hope you figure out how to go easier on yourself, because I don't want to be reading about you burning out.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm more productive in my writing in the middle of the day. I used to try to write in the morning, and I wasn't very productive because I was groggy. Then I would try to write in the evening, but my brain was already exhausted from the day. So I do my writing on my lunch now. It seems to be working now. I hope you continue thriving when you get the chance, and not be too hard on yourself when you need to restore.
I feel like I'm always in danger of burnout after last year. >_< And the evening/night still feels like the best time for me, but I'm glad to find that I can work other times too.
DeleteHey, I totally get the work stress thing. I HATE work (but I've worked at some shitty places) so I know how it feels to come home and just want to do nothing, especially when overtime is involved. It looks like you work well on the weekends. Find your sweet spot and focus whatever is inspiring your story. That's what works for me. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I keep trying. But I still have the same problem of just not being able to get the damned stories to work.
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