Wednesday, April 23, 2014

*anxiety intensifies*

As everyone around me knows (which, considering I live alone, consists of me and anything in the fridge that's achieved sentience), I start writing a new book in two and a half days.  And I'm nervous as all hell.

It's not just the jitters that come with starting a new project.  I've written ten novels, and started several others that I didn't finish, so I'm no stranger to that feeling.  It's not just the fear that this book will crash and burn.  I've had that happen enough that I can accept it if it happens, even though it sucks every single time.  And it's not the feeling that I don't know what I'm doing.  No matter how much I write, I'm pretty sure I still don't know what I'm doing, and I wonder if any writer really does.

I've given this a lot of thought over the past few weeks, and I think I've narrowed it down to what's really got the part of my brain that handles the writing (62% of said brain) in a vicious neural twist:

These characters are going to take my plot and run away with it.  And nothing I do will prevent that.

I'm a plotter.  When I try to write without a plot, the story turns to crap.  I have twelve single-spaced pages of plot for this book - not character notes, not setting notes, not random notes from when I first started, just the plot.  And I have this unshakeable feeling that once I'm past the first act, none of it will go according to plan, and I'll be left sitting here, staring at my screen, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do next.

Yes, my characters often do things I don't expect; I think a lot of writers have to deal with this.  (Though I did try to explain this concept to my supervisor this morning.  People who don't write make the weirdest expressions sometimes.)  But usually that happens while I'm writing, and I'm able to pull things back into my planned series of events.  I just can't shake the feeling that it won't work that way with this book.  And at the same time, I know I could be worrying about nothing, and there's no way to tell until I start writing.

I won't let this stop me.  But considering the main cast consists of a musclebound earth mage with a hero complex, a canny teleporting martial artist, a female-identifying adamantine wargolem, a paternal four-eyed goblin, and a piece of a chaos-bound character who's existed in my head since 1998, I know this is going to be a bizarre tale before I even start.

It seems the best I can do is embrace the chaos and see what happens.

Final note: many thanks to y'all for the query letter advice in my last entry.  I lopped off the last paragraph and shortened the rest of it as much as I could, and it's a much leaner and (I think) more compelling letter now.

Next entry will either be about being five days into the new book or incomprehensible babble about failure.  ^_^

14 comments:

  1. I think one has to find a balance between letting characters be themselves and herding them (like cats sometimes, yes, I know) within the boundaries of the basic plot. Mostly, you keep them on task. But sometimes, you realize they know better, and you let them take the lead. ...for a little while.

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    1. Very true. I just know this is a plot that could get so easily derailed, and in so many directions. O_o

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  2. Even with a detailed plot (I'm with you on that) my characters sometimes nudge the story in a different direction. Not radically so, just a new twist I didn't see until I began writing. Have faith it will turn out that way for you!

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    1. If I had that kind of faith, I never would have written this entry. :P But I'm still going to see what happens. Even if it means re-plotting half the book. Not like I've never done that before...

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  3. I'd say what fun is it to write a story where the characters don't give you the finger and take the plot where they darned well want, but I'm in the middle of editing that particular story. Less fun in the after math.

    A) Brandon Sanderson talks about this. He has a process similar to yours. He gives his characters a line item veto on his outlines as he writes.

    B) Dude, it works for Mr. Sanderson.

    I think part of this is that we get into a manuscript and something changes, sometimes something big. When I draft (and seriously, everyone is different), I make a note right in the manuscript--something like "Nope, I lied, the bad guy was at the party in Chapter one, and we've been spinning towards this next big battle since page three, sorry for what seems like an out of the blue moment!" and I keep writing. I ret con later (ah the joys of not needing to hand over your drafts until you want to let someone else read them).

    But for more important and useful advice:

    They call alcohol liquid courage for a reason.

    The other advice: Write like Neeeeeeedle, not like noooooodle. (you've got this nailed).

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    1. Thank you, I needed that. ^_^ Characters derailing things is nothing new, it's feeling it before it even happens that's getting to me. But I'll handle it.

      Also: I have a brand new bottle of booze for this book. Whatever the thing ends up being titled, it'll be written to Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay coconut rum. Because being a writer means I can drink whenever I want to. Even for the morning shifts! :P

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  4. I'm smiling here. You know you're going to have so much fun with that chaos. Just keep in mind the first draft is crap, and everything will be fine! I pretty much rewrite/structure 1/2 my book after the first draft anyway. Enjoy the ride, eh?

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    1. I will. ^_^ I know that most of the time, I rewrite the first and last chapters, if not more, depending on how much needs to change. With this one... who knows?

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    2. Yeah. You can't be afraid to toss it all out and rewrite it if necessary. I've heard you write the first draft for you, the writer. You write subsequent drafts for everyone else.

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    3. Definitely. I already know some stuff I'll have to fix from the first dozen pages, just because I realized I was writing a character wrong.

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  5. "No matter how much I write, I'm pretty sure I still don't know what I'm doing" -- I'm right there with you. Embrace that chaos and have fun with it. Sure, there's a heap of work involved, but don't forget to have fun. From the sound of those characters, they won't have it any other way.

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    1. It definitely seems that way so far. ^_^ And the book has been fun so far; I'm two days in and things are going well. More of an update on Wednesday.

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  6. Oh man, Mason, I'm so sorry it took me a week to get over here to read this! The A o Z challenge was just eating my time, and I admit I didn't get around to as many non-participating blogs as I would have liked. SO my apologies for being so late!

    I totally hear you. The first steps of creating a new work are so anxiety-producing. Will this ever work? Is this the worst idea I've ever had or a flash of genius? Am I CRAZY? ;)

    Good luck, and I look forward to hearing all about it!

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    1. No worries. ^_^ People will reply whenever they want, and I get notifications when that happens, so I'll always see replies.

      And my entry later today will be allllll about it. Bwa ha ha.

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