This could be an IWSG post. But don't worry! I have an IWSG post already set for next week, and it's a doozy. O_o This isn't just a blog, it's a damn therapy session.
Anyway. The recent issues I've been having with the TAW reworking/rewrite/rrrrrrrrgghhh have me thinking. As anyone who knows me knows, I think too much. My brain never stops until I fall asleep, and it starts again at full speed as soon as I'm awake. And thanks to that, I realize how I'm falling into not one but two patterns with my writing.
The first is one that I'm guessing a lot of writers fall into: I keep trying to find new ways to make the same old stories work. I'm not talking about the idea that there are only a few different plots, I've covered that before. I'm talking about continuously seeking out new spins on stories I've told before and hoping that maybe, just maybe, this time it'll work.
I wrote both urban fantasy and new adult before I really knew what those things were, in a long-running fiction series that took place at a college. It was all kinds of fun, it had no plot, and it was entirely unpublishable. People loved it. Seriously. I didn't think it was possible to post anything on the internet and not get a single negative comment, but I managed it.
I keep trying to find ways to make that story series into an actual novel (or four), and it crashes and burns every time. Sometimes this happens after five or six pages, sometimes this happens when I write the book and hate it by the end, and sometimes this happens in the plotting stages, like what happened this past weekend. After I swore I'd never try to make it work again.
And this isn't the only thing I've tried to find a new way to make work only to have it fail. No matter how many times I tell myself to let these stories go, there's that part of my mind that says "But what if you do it this way?" and I chase that rabbit. Every. Single. Time. And it sucks, it well and truly does, because it makes me feel like I've failed yet again, which does nothing for those particular insecurities. I know that a lot of writers find new ways to write about the things that fascinate them, but this doesn't feel like that. Probably because their stories actually work.
So, to get ridiculously metaphorical, that's one slice of bread on this neurosis sandwich.* The other is the loop I keep finding myself in with regards to books I try to get published. Write something, spend a ton of time editing and polishing it, try to get it published, have no success, find insurmountable flaws with the book that I somehow didn't see before, set it aside or drop it completely, write something else. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I know this is the sort of thing everyone goes through when trying to get published, but for some reason it feels like I ought to be better able to stick with things. I feel like I quit too easily, even when I realize that I've written something that probably shouldn't be published, like the book I wrote a few years ago that topped out at 209,000 words and doesn't really bear further mention. It bothers me that I'm in this cycle and can't seem to get out of it.
I don't think it's that I'm unwilling to take the time to do rewrites and revisions; I once rewrote an entire third of a book to make the major changes necessary. I don't think it's me being too easily defeated; if that was the case, I would have quit a decade ago. I don't know if it's the thrill of the shiny new idea.
Hell, I don't know if this loop is actually a good thing, so I don't spend years and years trying to get a book published that I've lost faith in. I don't generally think quitting is better than being stubborn, but this might be one of the few exceptions.
So, yeah. I'm constantly fighting against these things. And as much as I hate to turn this into me asking for advice again, I've already called this blog a therapy session, so... thoughts?
*For the record, the filling of my neurosis sandwiches is a squishy, gurgling blackness that constantly whispers, "You have already failed" over and over and over. It's tough to choke down, but that's the only way to get it to shut up.
Right before I came over here, I was reading a fantastic post on rewriting a manuscript. He'd been told what was wrong with it. He'd had months to realize that the criticism was correct. But what he also must have had (which he doesn't talk much about) was a sudden revelation about how to make the book work with the problem area gone.
ReplyDeleteI have a manuscript like that, repeatedly rejected. I've been told what the problem is. And I still don't know how to fix it. I expect the answer is that it would have to become a completely different story. I just don't know what story that is, yet. It sounds like you and I are similar in that respect --- willing to do the work, if we could only figure out what WILL work!
Here's the link to the post, if you're interested: http://tinyurl.com/qgtuwlw
Interesting post, thanks for sharing that. I've done something similar, as I mentioned above, what with rewriting about a third of a previous book. What's getting to me with TAW is that I kind of want to just plain ditch it and write a new story with the characters, and it's hard to know if that's the right thing to do. It really feels like the problems I have with it aren't something I can fix with rewrites or heavy editing.
DeleteYou know what, until you have a contract or agent, I say follow the rabbit and see where it takes you. Sometimes that journey brings you new places you'd never imagine, and sometimes it dumps you in a ditch. But hey, you never know until you check it out. If you decide along the road you hate it, there's always the alternative to scratch a couple chapters and get back on your intended path.
ReplyDeleteThat is true. I strongly believe that good ideas are never wasted, they just show up somewhere else. And it's possible that I have things currently languishing in various plot-shaped scrap heaps that I'll pull out and use for something awesome later. But you're right; it's probably best to at least give the ideas for rewrites or re-imaginings a shot, so I don't miss out on something good.
DeleteWhat Crystal said.
ReplyDeleteAt the very least, every time you write, whether it works out or not, you're practicing and getting better. Maybe one day you will hit upon a way to make it work after all.
True enough. Granted, I'm doing more plotting than writing these days, but even a book I turn out to hate still counts as practice.
DeleteOhhhhh Mason… I don't even know you and suddenly we're best friends. Yes. Let me just say YES. If there's anything I get, anything at all from living my life to this point, it's THIS.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so sorry to say I don't have the answer yet… but I can share my thoughts. It's a tough thing to know that you have the talent, the capability, and the dedication--but for some reason all the stars haven't aligned yet. To go through the loop over and over and over again…
Yes, it's great that we hopefully learn each time we go around the loop, but that point you've reached that you're talking about now? I've reached that point myself, and I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge wondering which way I'll fall… completely off and just walk away or keep pushing and going because I have to TRUST that this is going to happen. My post today was me trying to convince myself (and others) that we can't stop. We just can't.
I have a project that is my heart. I believe in it so much it hurts. But for some reason as of late, I've started to lose faith--lose the spark. And I think it's because I've rewritten it so many times I don't know if it's getting better or worse. I've taken breaks and gone to other books, but the fact remains that this one book is ME. And I HAVE to write it right. But it's exhausting… and not knowing if my efforts will FINALLY pay off and I'll finally get it right…
I guess though that the one thing that brings comfort is looking back on my journey thus far… and SEEING the progress I've made and how much I've changed. And sometimes that's enough for me to keep pushing. And then there's the whole element I spoke a lot about today in my post--is trusting our gut--that little voice that knows we can do this. That we WILL do this. That eventually things are going to click and the stars will align and the words will finally flow the way they need so we can finally hold our work in our hands and know that we finally nailed it. I'm trying to choose to trust that that will happen… no matter how many times I have to go through the loop… sigh. :)
Okay. Wow. I could still go on forever, because I know you "get" it. It's clear in the way you write and express yourself. And I'm so glad to have met you now! :)
Glad to have met you too, since we're clearly dealing with a lot of the same stuff. ^_^ For me, it's less of having a book that's ME and more having these two characters I've been writing forever. I want to get their stories published, in one incarnation or another, and it's always so difficult when I've written them in something that doesn't work out.
DeleteBut as we both know, this isn't something we can just give up on. We have to keep at this, no matter what.
You, think too much? Nah!! NEVER! ;)
ReplyDeleteLike everyone one, I don't have an easy answer for you, but I wish I did. I know some authors say they keep writing the same story, over and over again, because they keep trying to get it right, and every time they do it they get a little bit closer to that deep, essential, blindingly beautiful place at the core of the story they're trying to tell. Some authors PUBLISH these stories, over and over again, and we read them and love them even as they try to figure it out.
So, rather than beating yourself for chasing the damn rabbit, maybe try to see what it is about the rabbit that has you so intrigued that you have to keep chasing it. What's at the core of the story you're trying to tell, that somehow keeps not working? There's something of real value there, or you wouldn't be so engrossed with it. Keep trying. Keep digging. You'll find that gem at the center some day.
Also, I once read an interview with an agent where she said that almost without exception, of you ask one of her authors what their favorite book that they've written is, they will always say the current one that they're working on. They look at their previous books and think, "oh god, how could I have published that? It's terrible! It needs so much work! How did I get away with that??" And then they go and try to write a better book.
In other words, I think that feeling like the last book you wrote is a hopeless disaster is very, very common. The only reason those authors don't give up on those books is because they've already been published, and it's too late to revise them. This is the curse of NOT being published.
So, I think, don't give up. Not yet. Give it some time - time away from a manuscript always helps - and then reread it later. It might help you see what needs to be changed, and how this book can still succeed. It usually does for me. And then submit it again. Don't give up.
You haven't already failed. Your neurosis sandwich is, if you'll excuse me, full of poo. Don't listen to it.
It strikes me that the Shiloh & Alexi stories, or at least their part in those stories, are always about finding love. I hadn't thought about it like that before, but this explains why I keep going back to them; I've been single since 1999 and have largely given up on such things, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to. So I keep writing the two of them finding each other. I'm glad you've helped me figure this out, but at the same time, it kind of hurts. >_<
DeleteAnd I might take the curse of being published and thinking my last book was crap than the curse of not being published, because then at least people would be reading my stuff. ...in theory. Y'know what, never mind.
Still no intention of giving up, just strongly considering coming at it from another angle. But if this leads to another S&A story, at least I'll have a better idea of why I keep writing them.
Ah, *that* place.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've been here (hell, I'm here now! Who painted the walls pink with highlights of brain matter grey?). I think we sometimes get stuck on ideas. Some writers do it differently--for instance a theme--but most writers are repeating a few key ideas over and over again.
I do it to, I'm a theme monkey (and yeah, my theme: life sucks, but if you don't get up, it'll just keep kicking you while you're down; for the record, few people get that from my writing, so meh, theme schmeme).
Where you are is hard. I've just set aside a book I wrote and polished the crap out of. I love the book. The market? yeah, not so much. Will I pursue publishing that novel? Yes, but it's clear that the market will not be agents and traditional publishing for that book.
Which is to say that EACH book has it's own path. Chuck Wendig talks about this, and it's true. Some books are one and done (yeah, I haven't written any of those either, but I've read stories on the internet and EVERYTHING on the internet is true). Some books you write the first draft and two years later rewrite it to change the POV, and two years after that you rewrite it so you can change everything in the plot but keep the seed of the book. And then two years after that, you have an epiphany and FINALLY understand what the book is actually about and how to make it awesome.
I know Jim's words at D*Con really took a toll on me, but I sort of feel like he came to the conclusion that abandoning his early project (the one with baked in bad), was because he was rewriting from a point of just sprucing up the language. This is different than rewriting to change the plot.
Also, no comparing.
I know, that's basically impossible, but maybe you need to go around the loop a few times. Maybe you need to revisit these stories until you "get them right"--whatever that means to you. Maybe taking a break would help. Maybe hounding these ideas till the cows come home will help you. Everyone is different. Chase your rabbits, it's clear they spark something in you, and having a spark of life is way better than having a whole light bulb of "supposed to."
also, remind that Neuroses sandwich that it's not allowed to say things to you that you wouldn't let your best friend say to your other best friend. Those are the rules the voices need to obey. You are the referee. The voices cannot be heard over a rousing round of the Wizard's Staff. Just sayin'
Lots to think about here. O_o But as I've said, I am taking a break from what frustrates me. And I find that I'm working with another idea I keep coming back to, but at least I'm approaching it from a very different angle this time, one with a lot of potential to lend itself to a ton of stories if everything works out. And everything has worked out so far.
DeleteI also see a lot of people here encouraging me to chase the rabbits, which comes as a bit of a surprise - it's been such a negative for me before, but chasing them in hope of finding the way to tell a story so it does work sounds like it'll eventually be worth it. We shall see.
My first "real" attempt at a novel: my friends loved it. Heck, I loved it, but looking back at it, it's got some serious issues. Issues that I'm not sure I'm willing to tackle but still, every now and then, I'll go back to it, try and fix it, realize my efforts are futile, and then move on to something else. So I totally identify with you. I agree with Liz about figuring out what it is about the story that has you so intrigued and then exploring that. I think that you'll eventually figure the story out or, the story will lead you down an entirely new path (that will pleasantly surprise you), and you'll be off, writing something else (but still writing). And I think the most important thing is to keep writing.
ReplyDeleteLiz's comment did help, and from what I've plotted so far - even when I'm not supposed to be plotting it - it is leading me to an entirely new story, as you said. But now that I know *why* I keep trying to tell that story, maybe it'll work out this time. ^_^
DeleteThat's a total bummer. What comes to mind as I read this that you need to first figure out why it's not working. Is it that your story doesn't conform to a basic plot outline (turning points, climax, etc.)? Is it that you keep having plausibility issues that make you scrap it and start over? (If it's a rejected query, that doesn't necessarily mean it's not worthy.) Perhaps a couple of beta readers could read the whole thing and give you some feedback. Maybe your story is better than you think. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, it couldn't be worse than I think. I hope. :P And things stop working for me for various reasons, it's really different for every story. I could list them all, but that would be another blog entry, and a depressing one at that. Oi.
DeleteCan it be as simple is write a story that you want to read? What do you like in a story? How do you like it to unravel?
ReplyDeleteI think you are over thinking it.
And if the only reason your'e writing is to be published, do some hard thinking.
Anna from Shout with Emaginette
It's hard for me to separate writing from publishing, as making my living as a writer is the one thing I've ever well and truly wanted to do with my life. But the issues I'm dealing with are less about publishing and more about the stories not going well. And while I'm likely overthinking it, I also don't think it's as simple as writing something I want to read.
DeleteI have manuscripts out on the query circuit that have survived 100 rejections and are still making the rounds. Believe in yourself, believe in your work, and cool stuff will happen. All it takes is one agent or editor to like your stuff as much as you do.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Though as I said above, this is less about others' rejections and more about me not being able to make my own stories work.
DeleteI think too much, too. We need to work on that...
ReplyDeleteOh, wait. That's not advice. Crap! Um... write the story you like, and then outsource people to push you in the right direction. :D
It is good to know I'm not alone on that. ^_^ I really wish it was as easy as just writing something l like, but sadly, it's not - it's writing something I like that doesn't turn to crap. Grr. Arg.
Delete