Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Seven Days into a Break.

This is the first thing I've written since my last blog entry.

First and foremost, thank you all for the helpful comments and kind words on that entry.  I can be a very... driven sort of person about the things that mean the most to me, and writing is and has been the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life for longer than I can remember.  With that in mind, and considering my determination to keep pressing forward, it took someone else suggesting I take a break for me to really consider the idea.

It sounds insane to me now that I actually write it out, but I've never claimed to be a wholly rational being.  Actually, I think I lost any claim to be a wholly rational being when I started saying "I keep universes in my head" when people ask me why I remember so many things.

But yes.  I realized that y'all were right, and put myself on a much-needed break; I will resume writing on February first.  This has been a very strange week.  For the first few days, I didn't know what to do with myself when my usual writing time came around and I had to make myself not try to work on something.  I've taken days off before, but that's different.

Taking the break, though, has given me some mental space and distance, so I've been able to take a better look at how I work and see how I could do things better.  And yes, I've seen some things about myself that I don't like.  >_<

For instance, I have real trouble letting go of ideas.  As I sort of said in the last entry, a lot of the frustration I've been dealing with comes from trying to find ways to make things work.  While I love it when a story or character just shows up in my head fully-formed, that doesn't happen nearly often enough, so most of my plotting time is spent trying to get the images and character bits and snatches of plot to come together into an actual story.  And I have a major tendency to think of something new and immediately try to slap something or someone that already exists in my head into that new idea.

This is why I've written Shiloh & Alexi in so many books and in so many different incarnations.  Also because I love them and love writing them, but that's different.

I also give up on things too easily.  (I know this seems like the opposite of what I just said.  Trust me, it's not.)  This is something I knew, but my thoughts during this break have only made it more clear.  Part of it is the usual frustration with the query process, especially as rejections for BoLR continue to pile up.  I've been querying it for about two and a half months, and part of me already wants to set it aside and make something new.  I mean, I'm planning on writing new stuff this year, don't get me wrong, but I intend to do that and keep querying.  Not writing has shown me how eager I can be to give up on something in hopes that the next project will be the one that works.

After fourteen books, I know that I'll have to set some things aside to make any progress, but seriously?  I've queried fifty-five agents so far and heard back from thirty-three.  Neither of those numbers is nearly high enough to give this one up.  And I haven't even started looking into small presses yet.

Anyway.  My brain has, of course, not been completely idle; I've been taking down notes on something new but keeping myself from developing them further.  And when I start working again, I am going to try working on some smaller stuff, as Rena suggested.  I'll see how it goes.  It's all a little intimidating, especially considering where I left off.  There's always the fear that I'll end up right where I began.

But I'll give it another try, and another, and another.  Because despite everything, I still think I'll make it someday.

"Do not worry.  You have always written before and you will write now."  --Ernest Hemingway

14 comments:

  1. Hurray! I'm happy the break is working for you. All kinds of good things are probably happening in your subconscious right now.

    I've had a pretty lousy month of writing. Hearing that I was laid up for several weeks, many people said: "At least you'll have time to write!" Yeah, well, being immobilized did nothing for my creativity. I realized just how much THINKING I did while on the treadmill at the gym, driving, walking the dog, etc..

    So I gave up writing and read 4 adult science fiction books. Lots of food for thought in there. Lots of ideas. Possibilities. I hope to get back to writing this week.

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    1. Gah! I hear you on that. I get most of my best ideas when I'm moving, or at least when I'm not at my desk. Being stuck in one place for weeks would wreak hell on my creativity. >_< Hope you heal quickly!

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  2. Glad to hear a break is doing good things for you. Sometimes, it's nice to sit back and analyze life. I hope the remaining days are just as productive in your non-writing-ness.

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    1. I'd love to think I'm being productive, but mostly it just means spending more time playing games and reading. I'm not complaining, but...

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  3. Sometimes a break is good. I don't recommend taking one for months though. Trust me, hard to start back up after that long.
    Don't give up the querying. What if you are just one away from a yes?

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    1. Oh, I'm still querying, believe me. I took some time off from it due to moving, but I'm back at it this weekend.

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  4. Small presses tend to be more open to new works than agents initially. It's not a bad route to go--land a small press and then try to get an agent. (Even with the next book.)

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    1. I have an unfortunate tendency to put all my eggs in one basket, so going with a small press would likely result in me wanting to work with them for a long time, assuming everything went well. But this is kind of putting the cart before the horse right now.

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  5. I know that itch. When you want to be creative but you can't write. I find doing something else creative (photography, crafts, scrapbooking...) tends to help. You could try picking up another creative outlet and see if it works for you.

    Hang in there. Your determination will get you where you want to be.

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    1. Thank you. I set the end date of the break when I started, mostly so I'd have that to look forward to. Haven't had the time to pick up anything else since then, and it's over tomorrow. ^_^

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  6. I hope you're also having some fun as everything in life isn't all work and self examination.

    And yes, going with a small press can be a good way to get an agent, but it really hasn't helped me out yet (just sayin). Good luck, and enjoy your break.

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    1. Self-examination is kind of the constant background processing of my life. >_< And I wasn't thinking of the small press thing as a way to get an agent, but as a way toward publication. But we'll see how everything goes.

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  7. How did the break end up going? I bet you were bursting at the seams yesterday!

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