Wednesday, September 7, 2016

IWSG: When to Let Go

This isn't the first time I've talked about this sort of thing, and it won't be the last.

As much as I don't like blanket statements, I think it's safe to say that we writers get attached to the things we're working on.  (Unless we're just doing it for the money, in which case we're attached to getting paid, and there's nothing wrong with that.)  That attachment can come in many forms; for me, it's always been the characters and who they are together that gets me hooked.  I've struggled more with finding stories for characters to exist in than any other part of the writing process.  It's far too easy to love these people who show up in my head and get fixated on telling their story above everything else.

Which too often makes it very difficult to recognize when their story just isn't working.

I've talked here about a plot-in-progress that was incredibly personal, something that could turn out to be deeper and darker than anything I've worked on before.  I devoted a lot of time (and a few off-kilter tweets) to working on this.  The plotting document for it is seventeen pages long, including cut text.  It's one of those things that came pouring out of my head in the early planning stages, complete with two characters showing up and saying no, the story was about them.

It's the sort of thing I hope for as a plotter, which is why it crushed me when everything started to fall apart.  The book was a way for me to tell the kind of tale I've wanted to tell for a long time - a school story.  It started off being about the teachers, but it was two students who took it over.  I spent a great deal of time trying to bend it into shape, making myself more and more miserable with every attempt.

I should have known when I sat down to write and could hardly make myself open up the document that it was time to set the story aside.  But I was so determined to get it right.  I wanted it so much.  But it was driving me mad.

It took spending most of a therapy session talking about the trouble I was having with that plot to get me to realize just how badly it was affecting me.  I hadn't felt genuinely depressed for weeks, but that plot brought me right the hell down.  So that night, I took one last look through it, and accepted that it was time to let it go.  It wasn't easy, but when something I'm plotting has me so torn up that I can't even read it, I'm defeating my own purpose by trying to make it work.  Call me crazy, but I think it's hard to be a writer when your own work keeps you from writing.

Things have been much better since then.  I have two plots I'm working on; one is revealing new depths to me as I delve into how its magic works and how that would affect the people living in that world, while the other is just plain insane and will likely have people accusing me of being on drugs if anyone ever reads it.  Both of them are shaping up to be the sort of stories they're meant to be, and I'm figuring them out a little at a time.

It's slow going sometimes, but I'll take slow going over the full stop.

17 comments:

  1. Good for you! It is never easy to let go of something you've grown very attached to, story, person, whatever. It may find its way back to you at some point, and maybe then, you'll be ready to make it work. Best of luck!

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    1. Thanks. ^_^ I think I will make it back to this, as there's enough of the story in my head now for it to not go away. But I have to make sure I don't try to force it.

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  2. Letting go is difficult, especially when it was something we worked on for so long. Maybe you just needed to get it out of you and that was it. Glad you have something new to work on now.

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    1. That is something I've wondered about. I have many things I've taken down notes on and never looked at again, never wanted to work on again. I hope this won't be another one of those.

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  3. I have a book of the heart that I have reworked countless times. My agent loves it too; it's the book that caused her to offer representation. But we have never gotten it to a point where editors like it, or it fits the market. It has some kind of fatal flaw that I've never been able to pin down or overcome.

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    1. This was definitely shaping up to be a book of the heart, yeah; I was thinking that but forgot to say it in the entry. It might be better if I don't work on it for a while and let the initial (and painful) attachment pass.

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  4. Everything happens for a reason - perhaps that story just wasn't meant to be at this time. I think it's great that you've accepted you need to let go - it's an important skill to have. What's the point in doing something if it just makes you miserable? It sounds like you're rediscovering yourself through your new works - wishing you the very best of luck with your new stories.

    Rachel x
    September IWSG co-host

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    1. Thank you. ^_^ I don't believe that things happen for reasons, but I do save everything I write, even if I don't think I'll work on it again. So I've let it go, but hopefully I'll pick it up again someday.

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  5. Not every story we write or work on is meant to be completed or sent out into the world. Good for you for laying it aside. And who knows, maybe someday (in a long future) it will call back to you because stories never really die.

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    1. I hope it'll come back, I really do. There are a lot of problematic aspects that I didn't want to get into in this entry, so I think I need to come up with a new version for it all to work. Hopefully I will someday.

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  6. I think your story is going to come back around. But it's going to be a different story. You said the two student characters were taking over? Maybe they were so strong because in that world, THEIR story is the big one. Who knows?

    Glad to know you haven't stopped. We all slow down at times, as long as we keep going!

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    1. I did have the thought earlier today that maybe the whole thing needs to be two stories - the teacher-focused one that I first thought of, and another for the two students. Plenty of possibilities there. ^_^

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  7. So, so hard to let go, but it's definitely necessary sometimes. I have a couple stories I backed away from because of how the affected me. I never want my writing to dictate how I interact with my family or friends.

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    1. Interesting. I'd like to think I haven't had that happen to me, but my friends might tell a different story. ...I don't know if I want to ask them about that. O_o

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  8. It's heartbreaking. I know that anyone who isn't a writer probably thinks we're nuts for being sad about "people who don't exist," but man. When I finally realize that a story doesn't work it is so darn frustrating--especially if I wanted so badly for the story to work. But I guess everything happens for a reason. And who knows? Maybe somewhere down the line parts of that story will end up being right for something else.

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    1. Like I said, I don't believe that things happen for reasons, but the frustration is real. And this is the kind of story that keeps trying to creep back into my head, suggesting what could work and then frustrating me all over again. >_<

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  9. I'm glad you were able to recognize it was affecting you and that you were able to set it aside to bring yourself back up. Good for you! Maybe, down the road, you'll find inspiration and the story will twist up into a positive that will uplift you. One can hope.

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